Baby Jesus was a Narc

I like this town, it is filled with the type of freaks that I like to run with and hopelessly devoid of any real opportunity. It's the perfect vantage point to sit and watch the rest of the world crumble. But why the fuck is there nothing open on Christmas day? I guess I tend to forget from time to time that we are surrounded by bible thumping religious zealots.

The real problem was that all the stores closed early on Christmas eve. It's not like I found redemption and wanted to send a cheery young lad to fetch the biggest Christmas goose ever, but I actually didn't have any food. I have to eat. Christmas is just another day for me, no big deal. The only significance in my mind is that it marks the day the sun starts to shine longer. When its cold and dark I lock myself in my crappy basement apartment playing video games and watching porno all day. When it's nice out I lock myself in my crappy basement apartment and play video games and watch porno, with the windows open. The breeze is really rather nice. But I digress.

So there I was Christmas morning with no food, a friend had invited me to dinner with him and his wife and I said I would bring something. Normally I wouldn't have cared, I did have some whiskey which is better than any actual food product, but I wanted to make this a nice dinner, something to remember.

I was standing in front of the store looking up at the sky thinking about how much baby Jesus hates me, all I wanted was a frozen pie or microwavable lasagna. I actually contemplated sneaking in through the cardboard compactor in the back, a cool trick but a rather dangerous one that I will explain sometime in the future. Then I realized that I hadn't raided the fridge at the house where I was house sitting.

Well to sum it up I ended up bringing deviled eggs AND whiskey to the dinner, but somehow I ended up at a bonfire where I threw most of the eggs at this college chick who just would not stop running her mouth about what classes she was going to take next semester. I don't think she liked me too much, and neither does baby Jesus.